What we see every day are magazines full of tips about looking sexy and how to make yourself more worthy by looking your best. But, do you see cover pages of any magazine saying ‘How to enjoy sex’, or it’s too taboo?
This woman written ‘A Teen Girl’s Guide To Getting Off’. All of the mixed messages teenage girls get leaded Eva Sless to write this book.
“Girls get such mixed messages about sex, they can’t win,” says Catherine Manning the CEO of SEED Workshops, an organization that delivers training to high school students on sex, gender and respectful relationships. “On one hand they’re told they should look hot and available 24/7, but on the other if they even dare to look like they might be interested in sex, they’re shamed and called sluts.”
“So much of the ‘progressive’ sex education we see in young women’s magazines is all about ‘how to please your man’ or ‘how to be noticed’ rather than ‘this is your body and look at why it can do’,” says the author.
“Girls are taught to be sexy in order to gain approval or popularity. We need to be teaching them that sexuality is not about how others see you, it’s about how you see yourself,” Sless said.
“Owning your own sexuality and pleasure is about self-empowerment, rather than a tool to gain approval or payment to exist in the world.”
Sless, the author of the book has been researching about sex over the past twenty years. In this book, she included everything: orgasms, tips for pleasure and healthy but all content was written in a fun way.
“Despite what many young people are viewing online and throughout pop culture, sexual pleasure isn’t a one-way street,” says Manning. “Teaching girls to own their sexuality is as important as teaching them math and English.
“When the girls in our workshops recognize that the male-centric ideals presented in the media ignore their own pleasure, they feel empowered to embrace sexuality on their terms.”
Sless, who also has a teenage daughter, wrote this book to help the young girls who see themselves sexualized on media. Those girls were taught that that way is only appropriate way, and that they can be sexualized to sell clothes, TW shows and couture.
“Empowered girls,” she says, “are far more likely to make good decisions when it comes to setting boundaries and choosing partners.”
“The biggest concern is what they’re NOT being taught,” Sless agrees. “Ignorance is deadly. Not knowing their anatomy and what it does has a huge impact on their sexual growth and self-esteem. I also get letters from young women saying things like ‘I didn’t say no specifically so I don’t know if I was raped’, and then believing that being attacked is their own fault.”
If you ask yourself: Is there anything parent can do to prevent this? Of course yes. You should help your daughter percept things in a different way. “The idea of ‘sexualizing’ teenagers and children has made people afraid to even mention the idea of sex for pleasure around young people because they’re worried their kids are going to run off and become strippers or porn stars,” Sless writes in A teen girl’s guide to getting off.
“Kids who want to have sex will go and do it. But pretending their curiosity doesn’t exist is the first step to them being closed off and never coming to you. The last thing you want as a parent is to be the last to know when something happens that could have been prevented by open communication and education.”